Consent is King
This piece is my experience, my life and my thoughts.
Trigger warning.
I think about consent alot. I actuallty have consented to many things over the years. A few of them did nothing for me so they will not be repeated. A few were spesific to my partner at the time and again they may or may not be repeated.
As I am in an open marriage comunication with my husband is key. He knows i need a bdsm interaction or relationship to keep me sane. He is very supportive of my needs and is ok with the fact i need someone else to meet them.
He does not know the details but he has some idea.
Consent is everthing. I saw some post asking what CNC is. In Bdsm and not engineering obviously.
Consent Non Consent. Pretend rape. Is it role play. I cant really get my head around it.
I understand role play. Ive done it many years ago and it was much fun. I might even resurect the character if the right opportunity arises. She does take alot and get used at whim and loves it. Shes a naughty minx. She encouraged her master.
Despite the power imbalance she consented.
CNC...pretend rape. It has triggered my own experience. It was in a long term relationship. I consented to be tied to a gate post, flogged and fingered and then fucked.
As i am in a non monogamous situation i insist that my Dom wears a condom. My body. Your freedom but respect my rules. He fucked me without a condom. I was so far in subspace my protests were weak.
When he untied me i did ask if he fucked me without a condom. He lied. I was confused but in that moment our relationship changed.
I pushed it to the back of my mind. Well not really. It haunted my dreams and i could not tell my husband. I became withdrawn but i could not show any cracks.
From then on my rapist took advantage of me. He asked things of me he should not have. He knew he could manipulate me. I think i stayed with him because i wanted an apology and an admission of guilt.
I am in control of my emotions. I could no⁹t understand why i was doing those things for him. My rational was i was in love with him. It was easier to think like that than accept that he violated my consent and raped me.
When we split up it was ok. I decided i did not want a master i wanted a sub. On reflection it was a reaction to the abuse i suffered. He did not respect me and my slutty ways. In some ways he looked down on me for loving the very things he wanted to do.
Eventually the sub bored me and i wanted to be dominated. I did find someone i liked. His ethical domination brought out the represed rage i had felt when i was abused. It took the contrast of an ethical dom spanking me to get me to admit what i had been through.
Therapy has been transformative.
Im happy with who I am. Blessed with a high libido, a warm heart and a kinky deviant mind i rise.
I like the power imbalance of a sub/dom relationship. If you are able to listen to what i consent to you will be served with my very being.
I could talk about how amazing I am but its not my style.
Consent Non Consent...i am comfortable asking for rough sex...i will tell you how much slapping i can take. Its consent that makes a sub/dom relationship so beautiful and peaceful.