חמוד כושל ומבשל

a robot of
lowly procedures
just like the ones missing from my life
I searched the wrong place
maybe I was confused. maybe it is not slavery. maybe not about giving
maybe just another social game. another "Football". like the one they enjoy watching on TV. cheap, recycled entertainment
I mean, both the Foot and the Ball play by the rules in an adrenaline mutually satisfactory power struggle
a cock fight
nothing too fancy. nothing too artistic
who knows what it is. I have yet to try it.

what am I missing
where am I searching

profile was labeled "controllable male" but by whom?
merely by the sadist of myself?
this one I already try to hide under the carpet
this is not a man. nor a mapped system
in a vacuum of existence it's shit was born, unharmed by physical time
I only catch a glimpse because I don't want more
look at things from another angle, all ideals may dissolve
or simply evolve
I AM evil
but I wish not to be towards my self, and not towards my love
WHO is the enemy?
when does my life stand in this misery path?
eternal struggle forgot me behind