Chriss Isaak sings the “Wicked Game” in the background. I sit on the sofa sideways; my feet rest on the sit next to mine. I am troubled. I bite the tip of my finger and torture myself physically, but it’s only a reflection to what’s happening inside of me.
She called earlier, crying. She is not happy. He doesn’t treat her nicely. Not as much as he used to. Nothing too dramatic, she said. I don’t believe her. I know her, she is my L. I know how she sounds when things are not overly dramatic. She doesn’t really share with me much these days. I am worried about her. Why won’t she let me in. I asked her to drink some water and tell me what happened. Nothing she said, nothing really; just feeling a bit fragile today. I asked why and then came that cry again; broken, quiet and painful cry. As if someone is forcing her to hide it. Love, tell me what happened for God’s sake, I said firmly. He went to his mom again, she managed to say quietly, and I don’t like being here by myself. Oh, L! Was all I could say without bursting into tears myself. I urged myself to think and asked her where the kids are; still in school, she answered. I Whatsapped him while trying to calm her down. Promised her I am not going off the phone until we would come up with a plan. It seemed as if she was more calm listening to my voice. I guess it was something familiar in the chaos that has become her life.
Me: Where are you? Another one of your disappearing acts?
Him: Please stay out of it. She is my wife.
Me: Then start acting like her husband.
Him: She doesn’t need you to protect her; she can manage on her own.
Me: Please go home. She is in distress and she is days before labor; it’s not the right time to start solving all your problems. She needs you.
Him: She is due in two weeks. I will be back in two days. I want to see my parents. I need a break.
Me: Then talk to her. Calm her down. At least tell her you are coming back. She is scared and alone.
Him: I will try to call her later.
Me: Thanks. It breaks my heart to hear her cry like this. There is a time and a place for everything. I am sure you have your reasons, but wait with them for a few more days.
He didn’t answer me after that and I saw him going offline. I promised L he will call. I wanted to hold her. I needed to hold her and protect her form that piece of dirt but I said nothing of that sort. E, she said in panic, my water just broke.
And here I am, a few thousand miles away from you, my love, so helpless and useless.