I had a taste of something new, after marrying young, and it was fast and hard, and it pumped my ego to levels I hadn't know up to this point, and I wanted more; I went online and started looking, I wasn't sure what I was looking for, and to be honest with myself I wasn't sure I really wanted it.
It took me a long time to make a move, and I found very few girls looking for an anonymous married man, that may have been due to the fact I was looking in dating (type) apps, I wasn't looking to meet, not really, I was confused and worried, and was hoping for another girl to fall in my lap.
I actually met, and had sex with 2-3 girls who didn't mind just fucking for no reason; I must say I'm suprised at how good a girl who will meet a married stranger, to have sex in public looks; I met girls in public bathrooms, parks, and places of employment, and it was fun, but it was never something I was interested in keeping...
It was me being self destructive and stupid, and trying to get back that feeling of ego and control.
I talked to a girl from the north, she was younger, around 23, I remember thinking shes so much younger, I don't think that now, since I meet a younger girl semi-regularly, but at the time, she was young, sexual and ready to go, a real freak, but there was no way I could, between work and home, there just wasn't a way I could travel back ad forth and be with her, so we chatted and teased and showed off to one another...
I was on a chat with some girl all the time, several at once, at times, and I was feeling how I was spiraling out of control, doing too much too fast...
So I stopped.
I said my goodbyes to everyone, the girl online included, and I still keep a screenshot of one of her last messages, "There a tight collage pussy dying to have you inside it, and you're saying no?", I sucked...
That's was the start of 4-5 "dry months" in which i was moody, angry, depressed... I was a junky without a fix, and it took forever for the symptoms to die down, a little, but I was ok.
I don't remember what set me off, but I started again, but after talking to a few girls who I didn't find interesting, and honestly I think meeting a girl or two for a quick meaningless fuck, I met L, the girl who changed my direction sexually, and taught me so much about myself, and in a way, my first...